生活（ＬＩＦＥ）

I have lost a couple of good girls.

Thu, 23 May 2013 07:23:34 -1000

And I am ashamed to have contributed to its result.
To be honest with myself, I started each relationship unfair.
I was unfair to the girl, and unfair to myself.
And throughout each relationship I was unfair.
There have been other girls involved in each relationship when I was with ONE girl.
And it could range from mere talking to a girl, or major flirting.
And that’s what made the good girl I had, crumble.
They had been scarred for life, and never could fully trust me again.

The latest relationship I had, I didn’t pay enough attention to my girl’s needs. I always thought that “Why don’t you trust me? I am not the guy to hook up with another when I am still with you? Nor would I EVER develop feelings for another.”

The fact is, I never did develop feelings for another girl who talked to me. But it mattered so much to my girl that I listened to her. If she doesn’t want me talking to someone, or stop following girls on IG, I should’ve listened. I can’t believe I turned into someone that I am not, that I never wanted to be. It’s so weird. She used to talk about her exs doing it, but only now have I realized that I followed suit in sense, and hurt her as well.

What will hurt her the most whenever she thinks about me is the time I hung out with my ex, me and my girl weren’t together at the time, but now I understand what a great deal it meant to her. I feel her pain. I actually had spent my last hours of being a teenager with this girl, and she was the first to sing me happy birthday when I was 20. Then later on in the day, as I had already brought her home, I did the thing I regret MOST. I hung out with my ex on my birthday as well.

When I finally had a relationship with this girl who spent my last hours as a teenager with, and she found out about this situation. She was devastated. I didn’t quite understand then, but I definitely understand now. Why couldn’t SHE had been the one who spent my birthday lunch with me than my EX. Why couldn’t SHE be my ALL? At the time I was immature. I was stupid. I was stupid enough to think “Hey, nothing is going on between me and my ex anyway, it should be fine.” But I didn’t think about how SHE would feel. And that’s where I FUCKED UP BIG TIME.

To this day I regret it. I always had throughout my 7 month long relationship with her.

And that’s just a snapshot of the rough time me and HER had.

Now that I have finally understood, it’s already too late. I have lost her to someone else. Just like I have with other relationships.

The only thing I can take away from all this is, experience. I have seen how much I have hurt girls. I have hurt one too many GOOD girls as well. Especially the ONLY girl who liked me FIRST, that CHASED after ME. Wow… And now, I have learned all that I can. My latest relationship with HER has taught me so many more things than all my other exs combined. Seriously… But since I can’t apply those lessons to HER anymore, as I believe she is happy elsewhere, at least I can still keep those lessons with me.

I am DONE treating girls unfairly. NOW, I want to listen to my main chick. I’ll do ANYTHING that she asks of me, NO MATTER how demanding! I want that girl to trust me and worry about NO OTHER girl. NO EXs will ever be involved again, NO SIDECHICKS, no other girls AT ALL. She feels uncomfortable with something, I’ll listen to her, and I’ll do what I can to get rid of that shitty feeling.

God has given me all these experiences to finally be ready to treat someone legitimately. To give me a wiser mind, and to give me stronger morals. I do not believe I’ll ever get the girl who loved me first back, but I do hope that she understands how grateful I ever will be to her. Yes, there were all the awesome memories we had together, but this painful experience is what will make me stronger.

I am changed. I have been forged through immense fire. And I am ready to show the world, that when the time comes, I will have the BEST relationship with the BEST woman by my side.

Since I have cut down on eating, I haven't been pooping or farting as often.

Thu, 23 May 2013 07:23:27 -1000

I guess that’s one less thing to reminisce about.

Yellowcard - Ten (by HopelessRecords) To You Child, Love Mommy...

Thu, 23 May 2013 07:22:46 -1000

Yellowcard - Ten (by HopelessRecords)

To You Child,

Love Mommy and Daddy

A Father's Pain

Thu, 23 May 2013 06:25:01 -1000

Pain.
Especially this type of pain.
It’s not the easiest to describe, but it’s one of the most painful you’ll ever feel in your life.
A Father’s pain…
When they’re afraid of their child scathing their knee on the playground.
When they’re afraid of their child getting into the wrong crowds.
When they’re afraid of their child coming home late at night with the smell of alcohol on their premature breath.
How about the pain, to never know what any of these pains feel like?
That unknown pain.
The pain of always wondering what it would be like.
To have been a Father.
To have had a child with a beautiful woman.
To have seen what the child looked like, whether it took after its Father or Mother.
The cute arguments between the Mother and Father to determine which name the child would say first.
The pain of not knowing what it feels like to call upon a Daughter or Son.
The pain of not knowing what beautiful name that child would have been named.
To wonder constantly about how well they’d do in school.
To wonder what successes a Son or Daughter would bring back home to his Father and Mother.
To wonder what handsome Man or beautiful Woman his child would turn out to be.
The pain of never knowing of what could have been.
The pain of never experiencing that happiness of your own child.

After the operation or unfortunate event, the crude pain starts to settle in.
It tears up the heart inside, into shreds.
When you are alone, the effect is at least a hundred times worse.
“What have I done???”
“My child, where are you?”
“I hope you are amongst the Angels of God now.”
“I terribly miss you child.”
“Please be with me floating above my shoulders child.”
“Take care of your mother as well child.”
“Why God, why couldn’t I protect my child?”
“Why couldn’t I protect my child’s Mother?”
Hopefully a Mother and Father could stay together throughout this grueling process.
To support each other.
To love each other through it all.
To try keep each other smiling despite the pain surrounding their hearts.
Rather, when you are alone, pray to God for the strength to carry on.
The burden is a 100 fold, and it does get pretty hard to walk around with something so heavy in mind.

I understand this feeling. I now understand what Mother has been feeling. If not, just a little bit more.

But a Father’s pain… it is almost unbearable when you have already lost your child, but your Mother as well.

If it was truly real like what we had, then why are you hiding it all under the covers?

Thu, 23 May 2013 06:10:00 -1000

Murs-Break up (The OJ song) (by Buntha Onn) WOW, I...

Thu, 23 May 2013 06:04:54 -1000

Murs-Break up (The OJ song) (by Buntha Onn)

WOW, I couldn’t have said any of these better…

Tomorrow couldn't have been a better day for this opportunity :)

Thu, 23 May 2013 01:21:10 -1000

"Don't ever give up on someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about."

Thu, 23 May 2013 01:17:41 -1000

I thought I could kinda believe this. And I wanted YOU to get that message.

Hopefully that still applies. I’m just a step closer to realizing my priorities.

dahzie: ☯rosy here☯

Wed, 22 May 2013 23:45:40 -1000

dahzie:

☯rosy here☯

"Fear will hurt you faster and longer than love does. Take a chance, you have to believe you deserve the extraordinary and be willing to put in work until you get it."

Wed, 22 May 2013 23:44:51 -1000

Photo

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:58:52 -1000

Photo

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:58:39 -1000

It was great to come back to Princess Likelike Elementary school...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:44:56 -1000

It was great to come back to Princess Likelike Elementary school after how many years. I’m now 20, senior in college, and I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

Left most teacher is Mrs. Hoxie, my first teacher, my Kindergarten teacher.
Top middle is my 4th grade math teacher Mr. Nakama, I still have the whale stuffed animal I won in his class.
Top right is my 3rd grade teacher Ms. Chang, she was so young brah.
Very bottom is my beautiful school where my education first began.

I will always love this place.
😊😍👍🏫🏢🏫✏📓📘📚🎨🎶